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fashion, life, love...and cupcakes.

I want you to want me...

I need you to need me.

Story of my life, I swear to God. Finally meet a good, kind, cute, STRAIGHT man and WHAM! Out of the woodwork come crawling ten more.

It's like reverse Karma. everything you've ever wanted will come to you...after you've already decided on something else. And I know, I know, it has nothing to do with King. I love him and his crazy ass. It's me. I'm obsessed with the Honeymoon period. Once the glitz and glamma runs out of a relationship, I go running to someone else.

I'm a weenie.

There, I said it. I admit it. Once I have to REALLY give and REALLY care and REALLY be there, and not just because I have a cute outfit on, shit starts to feel claustrophobic and I start to get running. Immature, childish, cowardly - go ahead, pile it on, I can take it. Because here I am again, flirting with strangers.

Perhaps it's my way of feeling like I'm still Me even though I am now part of a We? I know he would never even think about flirting, it would never cross his mind. That's just the kind of person he is. He's like hot chocolate on a cold winter's day - hot chocolate will not let you down and neither will he. I, on the other hand, am paragonable to Vodka - sounded like a good idea at the time and it was good times for a while, but it will be the worst hangover you ever had.


But this is where I am at, every time I think of what would happen if I ever became a big enough asshole to cheat on him, and just the thought of him suffering for something I did makes me feel like throwing myself under a bus. And this is how I know I love him.

Way more than I thought I did.

Peace, love and cupcakes,

Belle xxo


posted by 7/19/10

Reading this made me want to kill myself. I couldn't read the whole thing in it's entirety because it's written like a 12 year old's bad poetry, but I did read the last paragraph and I do agree with the sentiment that you know it's love when you'd die before willingly hurting the person.

But seriously don't post this crap anymore. What happened to the days of Sugar actually writing their own posts?

posted by 7/19/10

oops I meant its for my first it's!

posted by Anonymous 7/19/10

Skigurl, I agree completely! While I can relate to what she is saying and the feelings she is experiencing, this was painful to read. I miss the DearSugar days.

posted by 7/19/10

I read this and felt like I was talking to my old roommate. This is the type of girl is that turns nice guys into jerks.

posted by 7/19/10

Stay out of peoples' lives until you've grown up and/or seen a shrink.

posted by 7/19/10

and until you take an english class.

posted by 7/19/10

okay why were our comments deleted? just because we don't agree with the turn for the worse that Sugar is taking by posting tripe written by amatuer bloggers?

posted by 7/19/10

Anonymous, I was thinking of that this morning. I also miss Dearsugar :(

posted by 7/19/10

ditto... i miss dearsugar too

posted by 7/19/10

Sigh. What annoys me about this post is that despite what you say you clearly don't feel that bad about your behaviour. You act this way to feel like he loves more than you love him, and that you have more power in the relationship. That's a case of really low self-esteem, seek help.

posted by 7/19/10

dearsugar was sexy and intelligent. I miss her too.

posted by 7/20/10

Thanks for your input, you guys, I appreciate it. Sorry my 'bad amateur poetry' is not what you're used to...but I'm trying to figure myself out, if it sounds amateur and 14-year-oldish it's because I've never taken the time to do so before now - and that's not meant to sound snide or snarky, I do appreciate being called out on my shortcomings, it's the only way I'll ever learn to be a grown up an accept myself and be a responsible human being.

No idea who DearSugar is/was...but if you guys really think I'm that bad at writing about my life, please stop reading. Constructive criticism, not snide jabs, please!


Belle xoxo

posted by 7/20/10

I don't think their qualms are about your writing abilities and style. It's about your lack of shame with the destruction you wreak upon innocent peoples lives with selfish behaviors.

posted by 7/21/10

The post was exactly about that. The fact that I no longer behave like this. It's like no one seemed to get that the whole point of the post is that finally I'm at a point in my life where I think before I act. I have never been unfaithful to King, and I never will - I have only ever been unfaithful once in my life and it was possibly the worst thing that I've ever done. Flirting harmlessly does not equal cheating. there are no come ons, no sexy dancing - when has witty banter ever led to bloodshed???? I love this boy and I know that what we have is real and I think twice before doing anything which could even remotely put that in danger...did I write the post in a different language or something, MissSushi???

posted by 7/21/10

No worries, I got the post and understood what you were saying at the end:) I'm in a similar situation myself so it made me think. Good writing:)

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